2009.5.25-Monday

Its been WAY over a month since the last entry in here. Not much is going on in my life.. I have gotten all my school supplies almost for Groom school. I am pretty excited. i will go up to Full time at work and i will be making a lot more and possibly have to lose my Health insurance and pay for my own but that wont be to bad. However with making more money ill be able to get a car and an apartment with nicole so that is a HUGE plus that i am very excited for. This summer has begun and Alex is moving in for it YAY. he moves in Fully this weekend and i am super excited. Next month is our One year anniversary and that means the world to me. i still have to figure out a good gift to get him but i will find something amazing that he will like. My dog is getting better at being potty trained so that is good i am excited that she is learning. She gets her First hair cut next weekend with will be pretty funny. Friends are great as always, And family is doing good, my dad got an apartment i am happy he is back on his feet..
Today will be a long day, hopefully a good one.. and then Alex will be here to cuddle me tonight to watch Jon and Kate + 8 :D

ill write soon.

2009.4.8-Wednesday

Lately things have been Rocky again with me and Alex.. his lack of time for me or anything outside of Brad and Blake is really starting to annoy me. I am just going to let him do whatever he wants until i cant take anymore of the crap and i end up leaving.. If i wanted to be ignored i would have staying with Jae My Korean boyfriend before Alex. I hardly see him as it is and now that him and blake are like Lovers its hard to even talk to him.. i am making attempts to be civil with blake but there are things about him that i just dont like and know if i can deal with all the time. For one he has what i wish i did and i hate ther because i should be first he should be second but its not that way at all. I have been PMSing like no ones business and i feel depressed so that doenst help..Not to mention the Awful cramps i have. Friday we will leave for Cali and that should be nice.. Not only am i sexually frustrated that will have to wait for at least 2 more weeks which is sucky..

i just wish Alex knew how it feels to be second in my book.. then maybe he would stop putting blake first.

2009.4.2-Thursday

Well i escaped a prank for April fools day, which is nice because i hate it. I have been ok the past week a bit naggy and thats is making my boo sad and i hate that i am that way. i am working on myself but its a slow Process. i did witness a big fat man Steal a large bag of dog food yesterday at work.. but by teh time i got to the cashier to see if he did ring out he was gone and i didnt get the plate number.. Hopefully i will catch him next time , stupid loser. the Cali trip is next week and i am excited but for a while after i move i dont like to leave the house i just like to nest like as if when i come home from where i am going it will be gone.. It should be fun ill be with Alex and he can see my old world which will be fun. We should have a very good time.

2009.3.30-Monday

ok so today i was in a Mildly good mood until a woman with a Boxer comes in and asks for a Nail trim and says that the last person to do it Filed them down too( which is Bullshit no one does that).. she then says that she doesnt have enough to get a bath so just the nails. Like always you Dont leave the dog in there for a nail trim you stay there and wait while we do it.. He was huge so i cut them on the floor.. I also to be nice Took the time to File the dogs nails too.. he was acting up and she said we will forget about the back ones he is being bad.. so i wrote the ticket GAVE her a 3$ off Coupon, said have a good day and got NO response. Hayley comes in and sounds infuriated and tells me that she is complaining that she Shouldnt have to pay at all cuz she " Helped me do my Job" , " she had to hold the dog" Ummmm No this lying little Bitch didnt do anything to that extent. It was Ridiculous that even Evan wanted nothing to do with her and told her " lady look just forget it and Leave. So she did.. I refuse to do her dog anymore i will remember him and her and Not help them next time.. Fuck that noise.

Annoyed annoyed annoyed..

This weekend was nice i saw Alex he was sweet.. he had a tendency to not listen to me which annoys me so much. but its ok he will learn..

2009.3.24- Monday

Today was nice. i felt pretty good all day that is a big change.
I also worked and at work i did one dog that's owner's last name was the same as mine so that was cool. Ludo is getting A lot more Friendly with me and that is very nice.. i love that little guy. Today we also got a Betta fish and We named him Master Betta :D . After work we got ice cream like we do every tuesday and then ate dinner and went to the Jacuzzi it was so nice. I am very excited to see Alex this weekend. Also My room in Complete.. the boys came by and helped me get the Canopy up above the room and its like home now.. anyway ill write more later. :D

2009.3.23-Monday

lots has been happening, Alex had Spring break and i saw him lots and he was sweet and bought me Flowers for our Nine Month anniversary. Then on the weekend we moved, It took two days to get everything and my stupid Canopy will not hang int the ceiling because it is Concrete which is nice but now we have to drill them in to get it to hang which i will do because its hard to sleep without the Canopy. Friends came out and helped us move and i want to thank them all, Isaac, Josiah, Lucy, Justin, Nicole, Tyler. You are all amazing and i am so lucky to have you fools around. Cable was hooked up today and now everything is getting put together.. My mom is still wasting her time with Bob which is not a surprise.. but i am getting sick of it. oh well.. Also today i added a new member to the family, A baby hairless Rat named Ludo.

2009.3.16- Monday

Recently things have been ok.. i am still randomly sick and i dont know what is the cause of it but its very annoying. Me and Alex are on better terms but he still tends to mess up like this past weekend. I am pushing toward Groom school more and more which is nice, I could use the money to go to MCC that i make Grooming and still have a Great job while doing it. I Am seriously tired of people Pretending they know ANYTHING about Korean music and culture.. People talking like they will ever meet or have ANY chance with any member or the band/ Group. In some cases i am positive that they would NEVER sleep with you even if they were drunk.. Sad , Mean but completely true. And the whole watching every Video they ever post is ridiculous. i mean yes i LOVE korean music but i also have a job and a life outside of the internet and such. People that dont even attempt to learn the language piss me off the most.. i have been teaching myself korean for almost 2 years now and have been to the country so i kind of already have the upper hand on most of you. So give it a rest and stop trying to show me up its pathetic and you need to get your own life and hobbies and stop copying mine. Again this is not to everyone and ill give you a hint the person isnt on my Myspace Friends list but she does live near me. Anyway.. hope you all have a good week. I move this saturday :D

2009.3.11- Wednesday,

Lately things have been very tense between me and Alex. We have been fighting like cats and dogs and its mainly over his Choices and his lack of communication as well as understanding.. Its something we will work through but its going to take a lot of time.. we are of different ages and mind sets and he is a boy so clearly he will forget a lot of things and over look them easily. Yesterday i was in a good mood and donated money to a deaf man that was selling sing language education cards to earn a living so i gave him some money and got one of the cards.. that night i must have eaten something that made me really sick i felt over heated and felt as though i would throw up. I didnt get to sleep till late.. and then was up at like 6 or 7 because i had the worst cramps i have had in a long time.. They would not let me go back to sleep at all.. it was awful.. Then at about 8 i get a call from Amy at work and the new girl has called in sick.. its super annoying that new people think they can just take time off when they are in their Probationary period at work.. She already has ALL of next week of which she should not have been able to do.. its so annoying.. i has to work an 11-7 which i have never worked more than 6 hours before and i dont like to because i get really tired and really ill working to much.. However i am thinking of starting groom school in august i think it is a better route in the long run and ill be able to make the money i need to pay for regular college by grooming.. Anyway Amy was a sweetie and bought me lunch for coming in early and that Arby's tasted better than it ever has.. oh man.. well ill write again soon. Bye bye

2009.3.4-wednesday

Why does Arizona SUCK so much.. God I want to move away from this State so badly and one day i will. I am thinking Washington or Oregon.. I love the rain and i CANT stand the heat anymore. Anyway today was boring as always just cleaned the groom salon and went home. Now i am hungry Sick and just wanting a fun and exciting life that i cant get here. I think ill Pack up some stuff tonight. I mean we move in about 2 weeks. the only bad thing is that the Cable and internet wont be on for a few days after we get there and that is BALLS. the only life i have is on the internet sadly and without it there is nothing. I guess ill just set up my room and watch DVD's or something. Swim,work out, Hell ill even go to the library if i have to, to use the internet. See ya soon when something else happens.

2009.3.3-Tuesday

I went to the doctor Last night and waited for an hour to talk to the doctor then got my prescription and left. As always its another UTI and i am so sick of being sick. Right now my back is in pain and my Chest for some reason that i dont understand. Work was boring and i am tired today. I am still set in my mind that Spring break sucks and i am tired of changes being made. But as Nicole called it Alex will run home to his mommy and then leave for his Fun Vactaion that i cant be apart of. I really am tired of it.. It almost sucks being so in love with an 18 year old. I dunno i love the boy to death but this never seeing him crap is getting really old.
Oh well .. I got my pics back from my New awesome camera so ill post a nice pic of my Cat HISA.

TTYL

2009.3.1-Sunday

We found out yesterday that we were approved for our apartment so that is a big, big weight off or our shoulders. Tomorrow i have to call the doctor and make an appointment, Another UTI.
But lately things have been falling into place and i love that. I am happy with things and i hope soon once all the crazy work is done Alex will be happy again. I miss him.. Whenever he is gone its hard to want to do anything i love his company, and having him make me laugh. He is my everything and i know i want him always.
Anyway ill put up some pics of the new apartment soon :D

2009.2.26-Thursday

Today i Nearly lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Alex was pushed to his Limit by my giving up attitude and my jealousy. Almost losing him woke me up and made me want to work harder to be better for him. I am Not giving in. If i Dont get the Apartment with my mom i will move in with Nikki and take the Bus to work.. I am aware its going to be a bit harder but its what i have to do to get by in life and i will do everything i can to make a good life for myself. He is my everything and i would jump through a Fiery hoop to be with him. I felt so dead when he almost left today. We both cried on the phone because the mere thought of being without each other was to much to us. Only 8 months and i cant see myself without him at all. He put things into perspective and i love him for that. I will give him the space he needs to grow.. and i want to grow with him. i love him more than i can even Explain to anyone.

2009.2.25-Wednesday

Today was probably one of the worst days i have had in a while.. I am trying to find alternative places for me to live if the Apartment application falls through. So i am Stressed about that and i Woke up Pissed of that my mom could Yet again take back that Piece of shit boyfriend of hers.. I know if we live together he will hate me and i dont care.. i will not act like i like him or act civil to a little boy that lied to my mom for 5 months and has no balls whatsoever. I am done with his bullshit but my mom is still Stupid enough to deal with it and that is her own business but she can't expect me to like him or even be civil to him because i wont. I also hate that the new girl cant ask a simple question like " does the dog need a haircut" because when i come in a two and there is a dog for me to groom and she says its just a batha dn i go to the trouble of washing it just to have the owner (whos Bf happens to be an old classmate of mine) wanted it to have a hair cut i get the blame for it.. And if i serioulsy have to clean up the Piss after her dog one more day i am going to scream.. She brings the dog to work but doesnt take it out and then leaves it in the kennel all day ITS GOING TO PISS!! Ughh i am so sick of feeling like at any moment ill be homeless and not have a place to go, Not enough money to go there, and no car to get there.. its not fun and my BF doesnt get why i am so depressed all the time and feel like a loser.

2009.2.22-Sunday

Yesterday was fun the festival was good i liked it.. Today is boring but last night i went to a family party with Nicole. We have been hanging out a lot more like we used to and i love it. I have really missed her, I mean she is my best friend. It was a good night minus the Skeeser that was all up on us and we were running away.. Though i was sick to my stomach all night and still today. But i have been eating plain foods and hopefully it will pass soon. I will get the pics from the festival and upload them on my Myspace and you can see the Epic Faggotry that was around the Matsuri Festival. anyway until then Ta- Ta

2009.2.21-Saturday

Today was a good day. I woke up pretty cranky and Alex was being lazy and it was so hard to get him out of bed more than anything. We got to the festival just in time to make fun of loads of Narutards and cosplay fails. We shopped a bit and ate, then we got some shaved ice which was good. After then we said good bye and Alex and I left to meet my dad and brother for lunch. We ate at johnny rockets and then went to Gameworks and played some games. it was really nice seeing my dad i havent seen him since Christmas day.. He gave us some money to help out with food here and also some money to get the 2nd car up and runing again.. he is amazing. he lost everything and still he is willing to help us so we dont lose everything too. I love my dad even if our relationship has changed Drastically. Anyway Alex has to leave because his mom is feeling neglected by him like he doenst come home anymore. I feel its kind of a mother not wanting to let got of her baby boy yet.. like she is not the main woman in his life so that will take time to break.. But its ok i can deal with it.I saw Kelynn today for the first time in like 2 years it was nice she is still the biggest sweetie ever.. And thanks to Justin for my awesome phone dangly.

Ill write more soon when i have more to write about.

2009.2.19-Thursday

Today was a pretty good day. Spent some time with my mom and that is always fun. Nicole had to go do family stuff so my mom took me to get my tattoo done today. i love it it shows my love for Big Bang and it is me, All my tattoos are music related so i thought i would finish it up and get that one too. i love it. Ulysis is getting very good for teaching himself to tattoo. I am very happy with it. anyway i might see my dad this weekend after the matsuri festival for lunch so that will be nice..
ill keep you updated on all of that fun stuff however my brother just bought his new house and i am super excite for them. they want to raise horses so next time i will be able to ride :D

anyway here is a pic of the new tattoo.

2009.2.18-Wednesday

Today is my 8th month anniversary with my Boyfriend and i am just not having a good day.. Not only have i been feeling sick to my stomach lately. but Since Alex's Idiotic Partner in class missed a Day of school because her Roommates' boyfriend cheated on her, He cant come back and see me this weekend and go to the Matsuri festival. Im sorry if its just your room mate and not your best friend .. GO TO CLASS if you have a Project that someone elses grade gets affected by your absence You go.. Your room mate can call her best frined or soemone else.. So since that idiot didnt go to class he has to spend the weekend he should be with me.. with her.. Stupid cunt. Anyway I am so pissed it not even funny.. Hopefully tomorrow ill be getting a new Tattoo.

Until then Bye bye

2009.2.16- Monday

This weekend was nice. The dinner went well and Alex liked his gift.. It was an Engraved set of Dog tags with " i love you, Alex" and "6-18-2008" on the other. He got me an amazing Camera . i love it i am so excited to get more pics taken on it.. Work on Sunday was amazing i Made 207$ in sales, and i made about 81$ in Commission and its about 30$ i get in my check so i am happy about that..
My cat is getting better so i have stopped worrying about him, I am sooooo Thankful for Mary and the antibiotics that she gave me for the baby kittie.. I really am happy these days, its be wonderful seeing alex so much i love being with him more than anything. And this weekend we will go to the Matsuri festival and have lots of fun.. Oh in about 2 weeks i am getting another tattoo in dedication to Big Bang so i am super excited for that.. I just bought a Big Bang shirt for 50$ crazy i know but i had to have it.. anyway.. Jon and Kate will be on soon.. See ya

2009.2.13-Friday

So today i got into a debate about my posting a picture of Kim Jong Il from team america in a forum with the title "I fucking Rove Twiright" which is how he talking the the movie and some 28 year old idiot comes in and tells me i have no respect and that i show no post things like that again and that i am rude and am being racist, Which is completely Ignorant because If American television will Broad cast such Movies and tv shows with this material they dont consider it Racist they consider it COMEDY which this moron clearly doenst understand.. Then later after her Entire high and mighty " you should do that its offensive" bullshit she calls me Dee DEE DEE which is a term used against Mentally Handicapped people. Are you kidding me this woman is ridiculous. Please get out of my forum with that bullshit if you can't at least make some sense.

anyway i got Alex a great gift but ill explain it later hehe..<33

My cat on the other hand has licked himself a new cut that is oozing puss and so i had to buy him a cone for his head.. its so sad i hate seeing him that way :(.

2009.2.12- Thursday

Today was ok.. I hate though absolutely hate that I will take in Two dogs after i have already cleaned up for the day and the dogs are Mud covered and i take them in and wash them. they were Pains too.. And the woman doesn't come until 7:10 and i don't even get a tip.. Its incredibly annoying and rude. Whatever i got my numbers up this week so that is all i care about. I get to see Alex tomorrow and spend the weekend with him, Its going to be great. Valentines day last year i spent alone, and the year before that it was rocky anyway the end of my 2 year relationship followed closely after that.. Anyway it should be great i am super excited to see him and play some Original nintendo.. :D its so cool. Though its not working as well as it used to but i mean come on its like 20 years old so of course its going to be a bit messed up. well I think ill leave it at this and ill post a pic of my Valentine in this one :D he is amazing.. 사랑해, Ich liebe Dich, 愛しています。,

我爱你。

2009.2.11-Wednesday

Work was pretty boring today. i had to wash a dog for free because it is a service dog which kind of annoys me. But i did find out that i am in good with the company now that i have brought our store to number one in Pre booking appointments. I am at 64.5% and that is good.. so now i can rest a bit easier knowing that i wont be written up this time. I made some good tips today and gave bella a bath.. its nice that my Korean is rubbing off on her. She is recognizing the words.. thats kinda cool a Bilingual dog. Anyway there is not much to say.. ill write again soon. i am going to go watch the Addams Family.

2009.2.10-Tuesday

Today was a regular boring day at work.. but it went quickly because i had a dog that was severely matted however it was worth it.. the woman was so nice and tipped me 10$ so that was great. I got off work and bought myself and my mother some ice cream :D. My dog is driving me crazy like always but she will soon have a new muzzle for home to stop her from chewing on things that should not be chewed up.. Also next month she will get fixed so that she will not be able to go into heat. life has been getting better slowly though now the issue lies with Alex.. he was Scammed out of about 700$ and i dont like when he has to worry about anything. anyway.. this is a short blog but there is not much to talk about right now.. there is only sleepy feelings and strange dreams i wish i could interpret. Ill go watch Queen of the Damned and then Nip/Tuck.

2009.2.9- Monday

This past weekend was nice. I did end up going to the Chinese Cultural center for a festival which was great and my Boyfriend bought me a dress with his Chinese new year money. He is so great, Though i was upset he had to leave to go home that night. Uhh where to begin.. I am fortunately low grade HPV so i dont have to have any more Procedures done for now. I go back in august for a check up. However home life is getting increasingly worse.. No food in the house so i had to fork over the beginning and only savings i have for college for food. It sucks but its going to be back in there soon. Work is ok i guess as far as work goes. My dreams these days are getting more and more interesting however i wake up still Tired as ever. Though the peaceful sounds of falling rain have made me doze off sooner. I love the rain.. i wish i lived in Oregon or Washington i would love it there. The green life and the constant rain. Anyway this weekend is Valentines day. Alex will be home and we will attend his grandmothers birthday dinner and i am very excited to see them again. Speaking of Birthday dinners i attended nicoles this week and it was surprisingly not as bad as i thought. I dont get along with most of her frineds much but the main reason i didnt want to attend wasnt there long.. She was only there long enough to be an idiot and then later that night start a fight on Nicoles birthday.. Im sorry but that is Low. Not that i had Much respect for that person to begin with but oh well she can live in her fantasy world until someoenm rips her into reality on day.. And my poor cat got beat up today.. :( he has two deep puncture wounds in his chest.. its so sad..


Hope everyone if anyone reads this thing have a good week.

2009.2.3-Tuesday

Today was just another boring day. Crazy dreams, Waking up to the house in shambles due to my annoying dim witted puppy, Bella. I made breakfast and then watched a movie.. Got ready for work and then once there i filled out reminders for bath Specials for me hopefully, so i will have more dogs in the week. Then magically i had a walk in today. it was so nice to have one dog to do. Now that i have had the Work ultimatum it has really gotten me more motivated to get more dogs in there. I got a Phone calls at 5 for another dog but he couldnt find the rabies info and i didnt have a card for his Pitbull Bella.. so i didnt get to do that one.. Maybe he will come in tomorrow and ill have another dog.. Someone has to be looking out for me because i have so far gotten more dogs in and that is great for me. anyway. i came homeand got some food and talked to an old friend and now i am Just waiting to Watch Nip Tuck and go to bed. I am still Playing over outfits in my head for Valentines day but i hope something will come to me. Ta ta for now.

2009.2.2- Monday

Today was a good day at work.. i had two dogs scheduled and i got a walk in so that was Great for the day.. to meet Quota ill need 7 more dogs in 2 days. which is Kinda unrealistic but hopefully someone will come in. I got a Doberman which i love named Mogley.. and a Pitbull i love name Pebbles. and then some mutt named Abbey. Alex texted me that his Grandmothers Birthday was on Valentines day and we would have to attend that dinner instead of our own but i dont mind i love being with his family. And it is still Semi formal so i can wear my dress :D. When i asked if it was ok if i went he replied "Uhhh duh, You're my Wife" it was the sweetest thing ever and i love when he Says things like that to me.. it fills my heart with so much love. :D

anyway, hope you enjoy this boring blog.. :D

2009.2.1- Sunday

This weekend was amazing.. Alex came home and stayed the whole weekend. Friday we hung out and went to see Zack and Miri make a porno at the dollar theater. But before he got there me and mom went shopping and i got some nice clothes and a great shirt that says " I kissed a vampire and i liked it". yea i know im Ghey. Anyway i woke up early Saturday and got all pretty, then we went to Red Robbin and shared a Salmon Burger which was of course Delicious. then decided to go to Chandler mall and check times for The Univited and that was starting as we got there with about 5 minutes to spare so we caught it and it was good. I like movies that have twists.. even though it was not a scary movie i always jump because loud noises scare me more than seeing things that are dead. So we got out of the movie and went to look for an Eyebrow ring retainer for Alex and then went home. We made dinner together and played some Devil May Cry and went to sleep but it was a Very very good weekend.. Though today starts my 2 weeks of hell that i have to get a lot of dogs in for grooming. hopefully it will turn out better than i think it will. i dont want to get written up for doing nothing wrong.

2009.1.29- Thursday

Ok so today i had my colposcopy and it was the worst thing ever.. they had to cut 3 samples from my cervix for testing and every time it cut it was like the worst cramps i have ever had.. its all swollen now and hurts so bad.. but i basically found out i do have HPV and i might have to have th front of the cervix removed so that the cells are gone and dont turn into cancer later in life. If what happened today hurt as bad as it did i dont even want to be awake for the next procedure.

I didnt expect that it would hurt that bad but it did and i was near tears.. but then i got McDonalds with mom and went to LeeLee and got some foods. We are basically going to lose our house i think bills are behind at least 4 months and its getting very bad. its all my mom's boyfriends' fault and i told her to move on.. she took the advice and is going on a date with a better man named Rick this weekend. I just want to see Alex and hold him its not even funny. with everthing that is going on i just need him and nothing else..

2009.1.28-Wednesday

I can't even begin to explain how much today sucked.. My meeting went less great than i wanted it to go i ended up tearing up and i am sure that Amy noticed it.. what pissed me off was not that i have certain goals to meet for the week because they are the same for everyone. its that i have to 4 days a week that get no Bath and Brush appointments.. Nikki and Amy are Groomers they get the most business because they do haircuts, and Chaslynn gets the most B&B appointments because she is there on the weekend.. if they were to switch our schedule the number would flip the same way. I think since i have the slowest days in the week it wont be fair that i have to BUST by ass harder to get more people in for my days when Chaslynn just has to do nothing and get all the dogs.. so Even though i work so hard to do my best its not going to be enough and i will get the Write up/ 1 point toward being fired. I also have a Problem bugging people at their homes and calling to ask if they want there dog washed.. its Ridiculous and i wont do it. he started to tell me " i dont think you are shy i think its something else" i was like.. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME? or what i was like in school or what i went through in my childhood to make me so Quite and scared to be around strangers. uhh it was annoying..

I then get a girl coming into my salon asking me questions about grooming a Chihuahua.. a SHORT haired chihuahua.. I said well you want us to give him a bath and brush and she was like " uhh no i can bath him myself" .. O.o THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!!! she was askign about his nails and stuff very very condescendingly i said "well with the bath and brush we do their nails and we express the anal glands" and she looked at me like i was diseased " you do what to their glands" i told her you have to express them or they can get infected and it costs a lot at a vet to take care of.. so she proceeded to say " ok so you sqeeze his asshole.. am i missing anything" i looked at her trying so hard to be nice and said well maybe if you want the Spa works too. she asks what it is and i explain it and she then Rolls her eyes and says " oooooook" and leaves.. I was so ready to fucking kill that bitch.. Stupid condescending hoe.. she looked like she was a hair stylist by the looks of her smock.. dont you think she would know what comes in a Grooming and or Haircut.. fucking idiot.


then near closing i called the woman to come get her dog at 5pm she asked what time we closed and i said 7pm and she didnt show up till 7:30pm to get the dog.. i was Pissed not only had my day been shitty but i literally wanted to kill someone..

I want to kill someone so badly right now its not even funny..

2009.27.09- Tuesday

Today was a Day that Sucked worse than any so far.. Work was the worst.. So my Main boss Stuart is a total idiot who everyone hates and he asked me if i had worked the past two days which he of all people was Clearly aware i had.. and asked if i had Pre booked any one for their next appointments and i said No because i Hadn't and i had not been aware either that we were supposed to be doing that but i guess we are.. so tomorrow i have to have a Meeting with him and my boss Amy.. she said that the basis of the meeting was that i was on the unproductive list for our store which let me remind you is based off of how many dogs i wash not how i am working in the store and keeping busy.. its ridiculous and asanine. So i will have the meeting tomorrow to set realistic goals i will have to follow and work toward and if i dont meet them i will be written up which is utter bullshit. I work in a grooming salon.. people will call us when they need out services , they do not want us calling them bothering them at their homes asking to bring their animals in. Another thing i work on Sunday-wednesdays. from 2-7 and those are times people are still at work and those are the slowest days of the week and so i have to suffer job wise because i have the slower days?!!? WTF.. of course Chaslynn is going to have the better marks and high Productivity marks SHE HAS ALL THE DOGS!!! she works the weekends when there are more animals.. if they really want to get more animals in there on my days they need to stop booking them all for the weekends and save them for the week days. that would make more sense to me. So i could potentially lose my job over things that i can not control directly. Bullshit.

Then i get the new that something bad has happened in Alex's family. i wont go into detail because its not my story to tell. buts definitely not what i needed to hear right now.. so i started to cry at work and i really hate doing that. i guess we will take it a day at a time and see how things go..

wish me luck for tomorrow i am really not looking forward to talking to that Douche Nozzle.

2009.1.26- Monday

work was dull the past couple of days.. i had one dog to groom besides my own.. there really isnt much to say today besides my clear uplifting spirit today.. i have been a bit happier not nearly as happy as i was before but also not nearly as sad so that it a nice change. This week will be boring Because work is dull, I work at Petco and mostly sit there all day and read. I am re-reading the twilight series and i am on Eclipse now. I had to re-read it because when i read i tend to skip things a lot and not retain the information in the book well.

When something really fun happens ill let you know i promise.. until then its going to be these short stupid blogs... However i did make a serious lapse in judgement and buy a Carne asada burrito tonight that i know i will feel later on.. My intestines do not agree with beef anymore at all. but anyway it was delicious and i loved it.. Alex has talked to me a bit today.. i wish more but i know he has a Load in school to work on and worry about but just a simple text is so much to me.. simple things mean the world to me.. taking a sexond to send a nice message that just says 'i love you' goes so far with me.. its just hard being someone's first GF because you have to teach them what to do, what to say, how to act. But he is better than all of the guysi have dated i will tell you that, he is caring and loving and he is smart and driven, and mature for his age in the sense that he doesnt let jealousy bother him like i do and he can be very mature in situations but still immature when it comes to me.. but he will learn with time.

2009.1.24- Saturday

Last night was rather nice. i Spent the day bored and upset and then Nicole came over and we hung out.. we went to get her some food at Serrano's and then went to Fascinations. I was Helping her in the ways of Sex toys.. We went to Walmart and were in the cosmetics/ condom region and i was telling her about Lube and it was Cracked open so it splatter all over the floor which was funny. we got a lot of talking out and i was talking to Alex the entire time.. He made me feel a lot better last night .. but when he doesn't say good night i get a little worried. So in turn it made me a little angry again. the boy knows that i worry about everything and he knows that he is the main reason for my worry because i would be nothing if something happened to him.. " I wasn't planning on living in a world whrere you didnt exist" is the plainest way i can say it. Going on 8 months.. its a great thing. i would not give it up, i cant be myself without him. Alex is pretty amazing. He may not think so but to me his is everything and more. If i had him forever i wouldnt need anything else.

I want to be happy again, i want to feel normal. Maybe it will happen one day but its not set in stone. Im the worst kind of person really, Always down, happy for short intervals. Never happy for a long period of time. Jealous, Possesive, Honest, Bitchy, Angry, Shut off.

But he seems to see past it and still love me and i dont see how its possible, But then again he is amazing, he can do pretty great things.

2009.1.23- Friday

Its a new year and already things have not been as wonderful as you would expect. I have felt more alone that anytime in my life. Though i am happily taken i am just unhappy with myself.. and my life.. on the 22nd i was told i could possibly have HPV and so i have to have samples taken from my cervix to be positive. I sure hope it is nothing and nothing comes of it.

Since the last time i posted, I have been to Korea, which was absolutely amazing, and i have gotten into a Stable relationship again. going on 8 months so that is an accomplishment. He is brilliant, and artist, a fabulous one at that. He brings out artist abilities in me i never thought i had, things are rocky right now with him being in Tucson at school and our not so frequent visits. However we will work through it someway and it will be fine.

I had a post from 2007 in here previously stating the importance of spending every second you can with your family and grandparents because you never know if that i will end soon. In September of 08 i lost my grandfather. He had been sick for a long time and it was time for him to go but it never stops hurting. Every time i see Spock from Star Trek i think of him. he always looked like him.

anyway ill try to keep you updated for anyone that wants to read..